New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
