i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
