The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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