I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
