i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
