Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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