My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
