I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
