tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
