i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
