the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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