i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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