He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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