Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
