i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
