i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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