i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
we're chasing vodka with high fives
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
