I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize