I think i sorta joined a cult last night
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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