Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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