apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
