this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
