You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize