i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
