The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize