the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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