i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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