in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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