WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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