yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
