break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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