I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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