I look better un-naked...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
