I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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