I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
