I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
