Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize