yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
