Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
