nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
