Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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