I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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