I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
