He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize