Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
