I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
