come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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