I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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