I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
