i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
