I think scott just propositioned me for sex
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
