Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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