new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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