Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
