But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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