and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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