I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
