yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
