Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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