i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
