who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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