I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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