i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
