Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
