My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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