it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
