My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I have post one night stand depression
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
