All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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