walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
