a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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